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04:35pm 29/12/2010
mood: cold
I hate my mother, I hate myself, I hate my boyfriend right now.
Blah Blah Blah sigh..................................
I wish my mother wasn't mentally ill and I wish she never abused me.
I wish I didn't turn out to be such a depressed moron.
I wish my boyfriend was more sympathetic.
I wish I had someone to confide in.
I have some sort of sick obsession with getting thinner. I puke and jog everyday to feel better about life and hey at least its the only good thing working out for me. Yeah I have a job I'm grateful I'm making cash to support myself, actually my money supports my boyfriend more then me.
My mother is trying to file a police report about something that doesn't exist.  Everyone at my workplace disrespects me and I do something about it and it doesn't stop. I'm so tired of life. I can't even forget about my awful past it keeps coming up and I feel sicker and sicker.
Life sucks and guess what I'm starting to grow some sort of dislike for all men, men are starting to make me feel sick, I feel like becoming a borderline lesbian and I'm not sure if its a good thing.


10:47am 18/04/2008
mood: depressed
I want to dissapear
There are hamburgers for lunch, god they make good hamburgers, better than any fast food place.... i wont eat though, im fat and stupid and cant eat because i need to loose everything.
whats the point.. i will eat, i know i will binge again gain some weight back, this is how ive been thinking recently... and i binged yesterday badly, i ate cake, about a forth of a cake, with frosting, i was fine untill 8pm... which makes it worse. Im fasting today.
god i need more motivation, ive just been in a depressed lull recently.

Hope you guys are doing better


11:49pm 12/04/2008
mood: infuriated
Fuck i binged so badly today!!
I had icecream, whipcream, oreo's, and peanuts (those have so many calories for being so small) if i hadnt had that it would have been a decent day, under 300 cals ....
now i feel disgusting! and have no idea how to get rid of it, i didnt even work out today!! im going to drink a ton of water, i wish i had laxatives, to 3 diet pills though, although afterwards, hopefully they have some carb blockers or something
im fasting tomorrow, and the next day... forever

god this just ruined the good news of being 113 (found out yesterday).... now i bet im all the way back up to 117 ... grrr

xo MK
hope your days went better... jesus christ, what the fuck was i thinking


Emotional eating 
10:14pm 10/04/2008
mood: distressed

so my huge weakness is my inability to resist eating when im feeling like shit. I stop caring about everything, even my fasting, or limits, and i end up bingeing... whole boxes of cookies, a bag of kettle corn, whatever i can grasp my greedy little hands on.
I have no idea how to stop this, sometimes i try to think that i should use not eating as a punishment for whatever pissed me off in the first place, but then i go down the path of i wont have enough control tomorrow anyways...
please please, this horrific habit needs to stop.

Boys love Bones

(1 carryy | hunger)

08:59pm 10/04/2008
  Hey :)

well not so happy face
so im gonna be in a fasion show this saturday, no im not a model, its just a school fasion show. Im five three, not thin enough, and not pretty enough...
Any ways i do want to look as thin as possible, which would mean being my goal weight of 99 pounds, however i am far with that so i will have to settle for anything.... I dont think i have the confidence to do this. Im fine now but 5 minutes before ill start shaking, but a bunch of designers donated the clothes so hopefully itll be fun.

any suggestions for weight loss, ill fast for sure!
sorry to be so desperate
Boys like Bones


08:09pm 10/04/2008
mood: crappy
so i was having a decent day.... till dinner

1/2 slice pineapple (25 calories)

2 cherry tomatoes (7 calories)

Snack: (i want to keep my metabolism somewhat functioning)
2 small broccoli heads. (6 calories)

Dinner: (oh god!)
about 2 inch by 2 inch slice of beef (98 calories).... its hard to get by on not eating since it is required and we all sit at the table, for 45 minutes. I still so god damn weak though!

then i decided A1 was necessary ... jesus christ i need more self control

then came... maple cake with icing (183 calories)!!! i dont know what i was thinking, i wasnt even hungry. Luckly i only ate half of a small piece but still!
It changed a 136 calorie day into 319 calories...
and i cant purge... stupid boarding school (well actually i love it)

At least i had lacrosse practice, which burns somewhere around 300 calories. Better than nothing (pathetically trying to be optimistic)

XOXO Mk, hope your days went better, yourll all so much stronger than me :(
Boys like Bones (too bad you cant see mine)


08:14pm 09/04/2008
mood: anxious
Just saying hey

CW: ? no scale - im at boarding school, though im going to the doctor soon so ill know then
HW: 117
LW: 102 (while healthy- no ed)
GW: 99

Fasted for the day, well gum. Ill have to break this tommorow thought because we are required to stay at dinner, 45 minutes of everyone eating. I'm running out of excuses not to eat, although i can pass on very little but still even veggies add up to 100 cals.
Anyone know new good excuses, i've just been running through, eaten before, feeling sick, and becoming an extremely picky eater!
Also any good tips for trigger foods? Two of mine are tri tip's and Pizza. My boyfriend typically orders one or the other once a weekend. I end up eating 3/4 to the entire tri tip, or two pieces of pizza (which doesnt even have protein!!) i feel gross for the next three days, it can become worst later too, once i start eating, it seems like i get hungrier!

Boys like Bones


09:34pm 13/11/2005
mood: annoyed
hey . since i last wrote onhere a load has happened.
not in recovery much anymore. gone back to cutting and back to my Ana/Mia wayspicsCollapse ). i am so fucking stupid some times.
oh well.
cant reallybe arsed to upsate much more tonight ,.
will update some other time.
p.s hope the lj cuts work.


05:02pm 12/09/2005
  introduce yourself.

birthday: 16th november
ED: mia
clinical issues:depression, self mutilation, suicidal
how long have you had your ed: 2 years
how long have you had your clinical issues: 6ish years
h: 5ft 8"
cw: 138
lw(at this height):108
would you ever give up your ed: yes
would you ever go back in time and try to make right what was wrong:yes
do you si:yes
would you stop if you do:no
fav quote: too many to mention.


11:53am 26/07/2005
mood: happy
Hi everyone! I don't know if this community is active anymore, but I thought I'd post and find out.

name: Marie
age: Age isn't real, it's just a mesurment of time.
birthday: Sep. 26th
ED: Anorexia
clinical issues: Anorexia, Suicidal Ten., Depression, SI
how long have you had your ed: A while... I don't know. I try not to count.
how long have you had your clinical issues: I've been depressed for what seems like forever. I've been doing better lately, but I get triggered back into it very easily. I've been cutting off and on for about two years.
h: 5'8
cw: 113
lw(at this height): 113
hw: 138
stgw: 110
ltgw: 99
would you ever give up your ed: I've thought about it a lot. I'm not sure. I hate it, but I love it more then anything... that probably doesn't make sense to anyone but me, though.
would you ever go back in time and try to make right what was wrong: Nope. Events happen that shape your life, and if an event never happened, well, you could be a totally different person.
do you si: Sometimes. I've gotten a hold of it lately, though.
would you stop if you do: I have lately.
fav quote: Um... "She starves herself to rid herself of sin, and the kick is so devine when she see's bones beneath her skin", "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels", "The happiness you get from a plate of food lasts about fifteen minutes. The happiness you get from being thin lasts a lifetime", "How can you understand my pain if you cannot see it? I am strong, because I can show my pain in a way you do not know how to", "I'm not a lesbian (But my girl friend is!)", And "Is our children learning?" (That one was said word for word by our president, George Bush).


03:01pm 22/06/2005


So..finished workin out and I figured I'd give a lil description because this is a great toning workout and you will feel it.  Just do it in addition with some cardio! Keepin track of food intake, so far a yogurt and a 100cal shake thing.  Gonna make some green mango tea and have some ice water and watch some dr.phil and oprah.  If I'm forced into dinner i'll hop on the bike for awhile..best wishes everyone, stay strong and think thin!!


WorkoutCollapse )


(1 carryy | hunger)

04:11pm 18/03/2005
age:15*almost 16
birthday:May 21
clinical issues:depression SI ED
how long have you had your ed:3 years now or so
how long have you had your clinical issues: 2/3 years ed started by itself and then 6 months or so later came everything else..
lw(at this height):119
would you ever give up your ed:I don't know..
would you ever go back in time and try to make right what was wrong:yes
do you si: was..then went to outpatient and I havnt lately because of the problems it could cause
would you stop if you do: yes and I'm trying to
fav quote: nothing taste as good as thin feels

I have pictures on my LJ..you might need to go earlier for more tho and I have workouts and you can ALWAYS IM me on aim at sumwheronlywekno :P feel free to add me too!!Best wishes <3


Hey I'm new 
06:17pm 24/10/2004
mood: fat
Hey there, i got this address from 0nly_for_you I think. Anyway, here's my intro.

name: Laura
age: 14
birthday: 23/2/90
ED: Almost ana (I say almost because I'm not exactly there yet, Im not in too deep yet
clinical issues: depression
how long have you had your ed: a few months
how long have you had your clinical issues: about 2 years
h: 5'3"
cw: 133lbs
lw(at this height): 133lbs
hw: 147lbs
stgw: 120lbs
ltgw: 100lbs
would you ever give up your ed: no
would you ever go back in time and try to make right what was wrong: yeah I would.
do you si: sometimes. I used to be a lot worse but not so bad now.
would you stop if you do: maybe. Depends on the circumstances.
fav quote: netruit me destruit.

(1 carryy | hunger)

friends only 
12:32pm 24/10/2004
mood: anxious
WELCOME! good and bad news. first the bad, this is a friends only page, so you must be a member inorder to see many of the postings. next the good! for those who are friends, WELCOME! this is a great community. so far...he he he...anyways. i hope you all enjoy this site. it is new as i am to the live journal. well, love you guys.

Glo Marie